life

I am always amazed at how life can throw curve balls at everyone. 

Things change in a matter of minutes, or even seconds. 

Well, I feel like my life has been full of that.

  I never really know what is going to happen and when...

 

When I was little my parents got a divorce. 

Which is fine.  And I'm grateful for it. 

So many blessings have come from this.

I know that I am who I am because of the things I have gone through.

I wouldn't change it for the world.

For instance, i GET to have more family than most people dream of.

Without bringing a husbands family into my life, I have 5 sets of grandparents.

 

But,  aside from blessings, I have had to learn alot of things..

 like that I'm terrified of relationships.

I feel like that's weird coming from a girl, but it's true.

I have been in one too many bad ones.

I have been threatened in a car to do things I did NOT want to.

I have been cheated on.

I have had the man I love end up coming out of the closet.

I have had one decide not to claim me to find out he was dating and got engaged to someone else.

And it sucks!  And it makes you ask why.

WHY.  Because I chose my trials before this life.

I knew that I could handle them and so does the Lord.

I always thought that the reason we get certain trials is because someone else couldn't handle it.

And, I know other people took the trials from me that I couldn't handle.

and I am grateful for them.

 

I have learned more things from these experiences then I probably want at my age.

But, life keeps on coming.

 

I have learned from these experiences the following things..

I have learned what I want in a relationship, and that divorce wont be an option.

I've learned that I love my Savior more than I love anything else.

He allows me to repent of my sins.

I know that I want someone who will cherish me.

I want someone who puts the Lord before anyone else.

I want someone who makes me want to better myself.

I want to be happy. And, I want my future spouse to be happy.

I want him to have ambition.

 I know the list goes on and on.

 

Recently I met a man who has all of these spirtual and emotional qualities I always wanted.

And he is amazing.

Only complaint... a little short :)

But that doesn't matter.

I realized that last night.

I got asked out on a date by someone I have been waiting to call for a month now.

He never called.  Until a week after I decided to actual "date" this other boy.

I wanted to go on this date because he was tall.  No other reasons. 

I didn't know him, but I thought, I could wear my heels.

How pathetic.

I prayed good and hard, and talked to my boyfriend about it. 

He said he didn't want to play games, but wanted me to be happy.

And I woke up this morning crying for fear I ruined something wonderful because of a 1 minute 15 second phone call.

 

I feel like it took a weird scared feeling like that to make me realize what I have. 

And to make me realize I want to give this a very big shot. 

Because I REALLY like him.

 

Life is crazy.

And they only reason I'm posting this is because I needed to talk myself through it.

I needed to put in writing exactly what I want.